One of the most amazing things I read this week is that self-worth is not based on market values such as wealth or social status, nor how others treat us, but on what we believe about ourselves. Sometimes, we can be our own self critic so we must learn not to see ourselves in a judgmental perspective but accept ourselves as human equivalent to all.
I think that validation is great if we use it in the right way. Negative self-talk is what I like to think of as voices in our head of what others have said about us that took us by surprise. Or something we conjured up on our own by comparing ourselves to others.
We may at first said, “Thats not true,” but the burden overtime that someone thought this of us triggers more and more in our thoughts to the point we almost always self-fulfill in some way. We may focus on it more and more each day almost as if we want to validate what others say about us. Questions such as “why would they think this of me”, or “how could they believe this about me” ring through our being.
Once we begin to believe these things about ourselves, or agree with the person because we want to be their friend results in our negative self-talk. We can feel our self-esteem empty out just like the air in a balloon. We must find ways to put the air back in our sails and stop the negative self talk. For example, to this day I still think about my brother calling me fat when I was hitting puberty. I immediately felt the wind leave my sails. The word “fat” is really not the correct way to describe someone overweight. So, ask yourself if the critic in your life really knows what they are talking about. By the way, puberty will cause us to gain weight and even grow taller. This is what my brother was witnessing, but his use of the word “fat” took a big chunk of my self-esteem. Even doctors use the term too much adipose tissue which is the medical term for fat.
Adipose tissue is loose connective tissue. If you are easily persuaded by others that you may be overweight or obese, you may want to familiarize yourself with your BMI (body mass index). One in three adults are considered overweight, and this is due to eating more energy than the body uses in a typical day. One way to combat excess energy is to exercise three times a week, and lean more toward eating when you are hungry. When you do eat, eat less processed foods.
We can find our self-worth through building our self-esteem. Self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-worth are all in the same family. All three are important to a healthy viewpoint of ourselves. Self-esteem is that feeling you get when you believe in yourself. Self-esteem is that power you feel when you are fully in control of whether you believe in your truth. Self-esteem is an appreciation of yourself – you are on your own side or your own cheerleader.
Right now if I were to ask you to list three things you appreciate about yourself, what would these three things be for you? This can be something as simple as you are great at drawing, or spelling, or writing. You have a funny laugh or you can easily spot a good deal. Go ahead. Brainstorm to find these three things you appreciate about yourself. Right them down somewhere you see everyday to remind you of the awesome person you are today.
Instead of validating negative things about yourself, look to this list and validate the things you feel you appreciate about yourself.